Be cool, you guys—the wait is finally over. It's time once again for me to predict who will win each of the Academy Awards, and it will be absolutely perfect, as I have never been wrong about this ever!*
(Previously: 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008.)
Best Picture: I haven't had such a hard time predicting this category since "Avatar" went up against "The Hurt Locker" a few years ago. Everyone is incredibly split between "12 Years a Slave" and "Gravity," with "American Hustle" thrown in as a dark horse just to make things even more complicated. I feel so torn, especially after Entertainment Weekly made "Gravity" their official pick. But I just can't ignore "12 Years a Slave." I think it's going to go with the more traditional film and say: "12 Years a Slave."
Best Director: David O. Russell has pulled off an AMAZING hat trick with "The Fighter," "Silver Linings Playbook," and now "American Hustle." All of those movies have netted him nominations for Best Director, as well as numerous other Academy Award nominations. It's really quite remarkable, and thus a big shame that he will lose that Best Directing Oscar yet again, this time to visionary director Alfonso Cuarón. That guy spent years on "Gravity," and everything he achieved technically will be rewarded big time come Sunday night.
Best Actor: Alright, alright, alright. Way to go, Matthew McConaughey (a name I still can't spell without looking up).
Best Actress: If anyone besides Cate Blanchett wins, the uproar in the Dolby Theatre will be tremendous. It's almost a sure thing.
Best Supporting Actor: Any other year and Michael Fassbender might be winning his first Oscar, but unfortunately his transformation wasn't as extreme as Jared Leto's, so he'll just have to wait another year!
Lupita Nyong'o has a course set for the top of the stage, and I don't know that anything can derail her.
Animated Feature: It's no secret that I loved "Frozen," and I think the Academy is going to love it too. (Sidenote: I'm a little sad for Pixar that they're having to sit the Oscars out this year. Hope they can get it together in the future.)
Production Design: It's Baz Luhrmann's category and everyone else is just living in it. Nobody does it better than he does. Score one for "The Great Gatsby."
Cinematography: Such a packed category this year! "Inside Llewyn Davis" and "Nebraska" both appear to be deserving, but "Gravity" is too much of a juggernaut in the technical categories to be beaten here.
American Hustle," because the 1970's costumes were probably the most memorable part of that movie. Aside from Christian Bale's combover, that is. "Gatsby" could absolutely win with its glitz and glam
Film Editing: It's down to "Captain Phillips" and "Gravity," and while it would be nice for "Captain Phillips" to actually win something, but I think this one belongs to "Gravity."
Makeup and Hairstyling: I don't think it's completely out the realm of possibility that "Bad Grandpa" wins this one, because Johnny Knoxville was truly unrecognizable as an 86-year-old man thanks to some incredibly makeup. However, I think the winner will ultimately be "Dallas Buyer's Club."
Original Score: You know, I don't really remember any of these scores. That's... not a good sign. But all the buzz seems to be around "Gravity," so sure. Let's give them another one to add to their pile!
Frozen" wins this award, do you think all of the subpar covers and remakes will stop? (Seriously. Just let Idina Menzel sing it. She did it the best. Everybody else please stop.)
Original Screenplay: I'm torn between "American Hustle" and "Her." I feel like I would be pretty unsurprised to hear either Spike Jonze or David O. Russell's name called, but in the end I just have the feeling it's going to be "Her."
Adapted Screenplay: John Ridley adapted a 160-year-old book for "12 Years a Slave." I think he's got this one in the bag.
Sound Mixing: I mean, it's gotta be "Gravity," right?
Sound Editing: Lather, rinse, repeat. "Gravity" again.
Visual Effects: If there was ever a lock on a category, it's "Gravity" winning this one.
Documentary Feature: I've heard great things about "20 Feet From Stardom," but my money's on "The Act of Killing."
The Lady in Number 6." I mean, she's a 109-year-old Holocaust survivor. So.
Foreign Language Film: I heard a lot about "The Broken Circle Breakdown," but Italy's "The Great Beauty" won the Golden Globe and seems to have all the momentum, so we'll say "The Great Beauty."
Animated Short: I gasped in amazement at the creativity and sheer brilliance of "Get a Horse." It's not a sure bet, but I am definitely hoping that it will pull out the win!
Live-Action Short: This category is all over the place. I don't know what to pick! I'm down to "The Voorman Problem" or "That Wasn't Me." Or "Just Before Losing Everything." SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT TO PICK! ...Okay. Got it. "The Voorman Problem."
*Yeah, no. Wrong, like, a lot of the time.